b of e

landing on a better note than the last one; graduation really happened at a single pinpoint, standing on the top of a metal ladder, strangely still, feeling like a statue having locked the storage container shut. loose ends tied up, ends of ends done. I like this idea of having things compact, twisted together. life locked in a box, turtled away. I like the idea of portable disposable toothbrushes not from an environmental point of view but from a convenience/travel point of view. runners while running, throwing cups of water over their faces, tossing these cylinders away. maybe it's time to go.

I have an image of being a wound-up spring. which way? which way = these ways + the complement of these ways; the ways you don't think about but exist nevertheless.

I've got a bit of time, some time, a lot of time, an endless wealth. the endless wealth of youth.

the last week I had this thought while on a bus that the most defining mental characteristic of me right now is the fact that I do not understand that I will die, a currently constant and unchanging being-unconscious. autopsies seen -- ribs snapped, lungs dug out, human hearts held in the hand -- haven't changed this yet. you're wealthy, I want to say to myself, your wealth is being free but being free won't soon be free. hurry the fuck up and stop hurrying.

here's to an earnest start.