words written in the week of
May 22nd to May 28th
in previous years.
This was 7 years, 10 months, 19 days ago

july 10, 2004, almost ten years ago, a seventeen-year-old boy goes to india alone and stays with a host family:

Yesterday night it rained. Hard. I lied in bed staring at the ceiling and listening to the music of gigantic buckets being upturned and layers of water falling onto the ground. India, I thought. Dark curly hair and large eyes and noisy confused traffic and cows wandering freely in the street and people dodging cars and cars dodging people and bargaining for ten or twenty rupees and the sharp auto horns and sickening vehicle fumes and motorcycle rides at night feeling the sway and swerve of a turn and watching cricket and watching people playing cricket and eating rice and chapati and curry with your right hand, I thought.

so what to say? in a different country, different culture, almost a different continent. 1500 languages floating around with internet cafes and samsung plasma tv's in showcases while two-cycle motor autorickshaws roam the same streets that change instantly from two lanes to five avoiding cows lumbering in the street. yesterday rode a motorcycle back from the organization at night around seven. was getting dark and slightly raining but the tire grips the ground underneath you and you toss with every bump in the ground feeling vibrations with every pore in your body. going fifty km/hr is fast as heck. earthy is a right word to describe this all. this all.

judgment kinda stops and all you become is a pair of eyes and ears floating and observing everything.
This was 11 years, 10 months, 21 days ago

lately I think, it is the desire, it is the harnessing of desire that is necessary. it is enough to want and to step forward to grab it.

and I (I, smiling to myself) am reminded of the ubermensch that raskolnikov dreams of. 'step forwards and grasp.' and I see the degree to which this is necessary perhaps -- not in terms of evading the law and killing your landlady but of a harnessing of desire relative to one's self, to be able to speak to the self and think of interest, desire.

or: what really matters to me is that I find it interesting and am able to talk about it because it is interesting to me.

or: I will be able to talk about it anywhere because it really matters to me because I find it interesting to me. within this ouroboros-like turning-inwards-ish introspective justification lies the ignition for outwards exploration. it is me, my interest, and for that I wish to share it with you. and so on. look look look look is this not amazing. look does this not change the way you see things. look does this not turn ___ on its head, to paraphrase marx.

and I think that it is necessary to believe with a conviction of firmness that this is true because these things are like self-fulfilling prophecies you know, of emotion, desire, spirit, energy, of one's attitude towards this all, of energy comes energy.

and in that way I am blessed.

something I wrote almost two years ago that touches me to no extent because the words are so so so ___, in the then:

Passing by and seeing this them and those other precious imperceptible moments I go home full of this city, this city at night and I call you, but mistakes are done, done my fault done when all I really wanted to say over noise and signal both, over words that don't start nor stop in this city distilled and undiluted and refinedly raw, rawly refined, was that it was as if tonight, this night, that you were here, you were the whole city, and that's that.

something I thought about two minutes ago that touches me to no extent because it is me in the now:

all I want to do is to _______.

This was 11 years, 10 months, 22 days ago

I want to write things and there but this site is being weird. Drupal fun.

- incessant urge to be looking forwards. or to want to do so.

the three most interesting things on the internet:

1) 4chan's /b/.
2) wikileaks.
3) Facebook privacy issues.

I mention privacy issues with a line through it because it's much more complicated than having private information be public; Facebook is just one step at the frontier of the reorganization of priorities of information, of the shuffling of hierarchies of accessible knowledge, of the de/re-territorialization of the boundaries of a 'social being' and the redrawing of the map of nodes that connects us all. If anything, it should be discussed in terms of order, experience, knowledge, openness, and maybe the first question would be something along the lines of "what does one mean by privacy?" and spiral out from there.

The introduction of the telephone into the private home, or openness in donation records, or the yellow pages, etc, are already outlets that leapfrog the suggested 'natural' order of information and its accessibility pertaining to a person. Moreover, this 'person' is really a stand-in word for a 'physical person'. That is, if there is a linear spectrum between public and private information, then I feel that the 'order of accessibility' of personal information is assumed to be tied to the person with regards to metrics based on physical proximity, vocal interaction, one-to-one conversation, and so on. For example: If I walk towards the physical you and start speaking to you, I am in order able to ascertain your: appearance (height/weight/age/race/etc) -> sex -> age -> external mood -> name -> external ideas -> gender -> emotion -> inner thoughts, and so on. Technology has contributed to the generation of various kinks or folds onto this order (based on physical interaction) and reorganized into different ways: with the internet, it's possible to know one's political affiliation and age with a name alone -- but not be able to connect it with a face/race, and so on and so forth. This is a new ordering, just not one based on physical proximity.

Thought of in such terms, I feel that the question of Internet/Facebook privacy discussed hotly lately is really about the reordering of these 'orders of accessibilities' and the resulting dynamics that arises from this reordering. What happens when you know if someone is liberal/conservative before you even talk to them? What if you know what someone ate for lunch but didn't know their gender? There's a rich loam of activities to turn over onto stagnant topsoil -- and most of these things happen anyways. Through a causal text message, I know where you are, but not how you feel. If I call you, I know how loud it is over there, but not who you are with.

I'd like to think of these as the growing pains of an online medium (internet, networked technologies) trying to jettison the fetters of a mindset dependent heavily on physical material. This happens in intellectual property issues, too -- what happens when the creation is no longer a one-off physical object and the act of 'stealing' is non-destructive? What happens when the gears of monetary revenue and singular objecthood are uncoupled? It's clear that in the music/gaming/film industry, new (and relatively successful) approaches are being found: iTunes/Amazon/Rhapsody/Gamefly/Steam/Netflix/Hulu are attempts to disregard the physical object and make the game about convenience: here, a one-click approach to buying music, or a free way to watch movies! (albeit with commercials), and so on. While the 'shareability' of the internet and the reorganization of accessibility orders has lead to a lot of great things for content producers, though (think Arctic Monkeys finding fame through Myspace), it hasn't happened yet for personal information, at least yet. The idea of 'Facebook stalking' is a somewhat guilty, shameful activity. Monetization (although that's not what this all is about at all) is only happening on the level of piddly apps, Farmville, ads, and so on. Nothing drastically interesting has happened that has changed our interpersonal interactions, at least yet --- and perhaps that's the strongest reason why these 'privacy issues' are met with the outcry that they are.

It's amazing and interesting, these reorganizations, and there's a lot of interesting things to be found in the midst of it all, and more than anything what we're witnessing is the birth of the new existence of the person, as we lose tails but grow antennae, change into hybrid forms, have our networked selves augment our physical beings. What Mark Zuckerberg probably knows is that if such a thing is to happen, it will mostly be waged on the war of the 'default setting' -- that is, the default privacy setting that generates the entire network of nodes and paths and connections and visibility, on an emergent level. It's only after such a pervasive openness (and such a pervasive default 'privacy violation' will the really interesting things start to happen in terms of thinking about who we are in relation to each other. Before that, we're just still thinking about ourselves as intact beings who use technologies external to us. How does the mantra go? "Guns don't kill people, people kill people."

This was 12 years, 10 months, 16 days ago

things of interest going on.

upcoming shows:

may 30, club ta, 3호선 버터플라이, 7pm, 15,000원
may 31, yogiga, 불가사리 - experimental noise, 4pm


대학로 100번지
arko art center

오인환 개인전 "TRAnS"
artsonje center

新오감도 ( -- jun 7)
2009 미술관 봄 나들이_미술관 습격 사건

A.L.I.C.E Museum 2009 (new media stuff)
Soma 미술관

Mobility Immobility (-- may 31)
Como Story (을지로입구역 4번출구)

--June 7
The Library - 건국공예가회 14회 정기전 -
--May 31
[상상 두:드림 CHOICE #8] 종이팥빙수 展_ 인간시장
June 10 --
Paradise Lost
June 3 --
Cloud, after rain
June 2 --
at: Sangsangmadang

This was 12 years, 10 months, 21 days ago

landing on a better note than the last one; graduation really happened at a single pinpoint, standing on the top of a metal ladder, strangely still, feeling like a statue having locked the storage container shut. loose ends tied up, ends of ends done. I like this idea of having things compact, twisted together. life locked in a box, turtled away. I like the idea of portable disposable toothbrushes not from an environmental point of view but from a convenience/travel point of view. runners while running, throwing cups of water over their faces, tossing these cylinders away. maybe it's time to go.

I have an image of being a wound-up spring. which way? which way = these ways + the complement of these ways; the ways you don't think about but exist nevertheless.

I've got a bit of time, some time, a lot of time, an endless wealth. the endless wealth of youth.

the last week I had this thought while on a bus that the most defining mental characteristic of me right now is the fact that I do not understand that I will die, a currently constant and unchanging being-unconscious. autopsies seen -- ribs snapped, lungs dug out, human hearts held in the hand -- haven't changed this yet. you're wealthy, I want to say to myself, your wealth is being free but being free won't soon be free. hurry the fuck up and stop hurrying.

here's to an earnest start.

This was 14 years, 10 months, 14 days ago

idea: single-line power devices, with line acting as both positive and negative, with a capacitor?

---[diode>]----| capacitor | ---------
-----< | LED |

This was 14 years, 10 months, 19 days ago

While waiting for a phone call from you I think about the nature of summer break and the sense of laziness dust settling interim periods that they convey. Here I am sitting in an apartment that creeps away from Seoul and crawls towards fresh air slowly, every few years or so, like some ex-terranean hermit-wizard lair moving eastward and future-ward, legs protruding, ground slowly swirling. The sense of time spent doing nothing washes by coagulated in the sounds of kids' voices on playgrounds and passing cars, and the progress of shadows as they swing from corner to corner pivoting at the edges of objects, bedframes, doorjambs. As I stand in the bathroom thinking about the sticky-heavy moments just before a phone rings I convince myself of the rejuvenating nature of these moments -- not necessarily therapeutic but some sort of marinating force, (ha ha cooking metaphors), like the end of a novel (probably paperback) closed with a content enough sigh and active retrospection for a piece of present-now-past held in the hands.

And so I'm here having come here, two years, constantly swiveling my head looking sideways here and there noticing things changed, turned. Coming back out of Jamsil station I notice another building completed, things busier, the line waiting for the 1115 bus still long as usual.