This was 12 years, 2 months, 18 days ago
"The essence of neurosis is conflict. But the essence of living now, fully, not blocking off to what goes on, is conflict. In fact I’ve reached the stage where I look at people and say - he or she, they are whole at all because they’ve chosen to block off at this stage or that. People stay sane by blocking off, by limiting themselves. "

-Doris Lessing, "The Golden Notebook".

there have been a lot of progressions. chord progressions.

a month ago someone dredged up some songs by MBV, my bloody valentines, old songs but newly released, leaked. they're great. they're lush. they're somewhere between nostalgia and experimentation, new looks and retrospectives. newly old. this feels very proximate, propinquite (?).

stepping. it's important to step. if there's a lesson I'm learning now it's how to keep goals in form, not to let them dissipate as mirages but to strain and frown and focus my eyes like I'm looking at Magic Eye images, crosseyed, held in focus like rays of sunlight converging post-lens (held by grubby hands of arm of tweenage kid) on some poor ant's thorax.