all I know is that if you get that right taste in the back of your mouth you're doing something right. working towards something.
this running can be fun. I am blessed, blessed, blessed. waiting for results that come in two weeks I am serene because it would be great if things worked out and it would be fine even if things didn't, because I have, projects to undergo, dishes to make, thoughts to think, paragraphs to read, drawings to sketch, ideas to reify, places to bike, rooftops to find, things like that, lives to live. I am twenty-two nearly twenty-three bursting and anything seems available and I know that the epsilon of movement and of desire lies in the miniscule twitch of the finger, small vibrations, assertiveness that starts the world, a remarkable humor for things, I feel like I know what I need which is to want and to want to want and to know what I need to want and so on.
the more I think and the more I perceive the more I know that everything happens in the moment of desire, everything happens when you desire, it's not just that nothing happens when you don't desire but that there is nothing without desire, and duty is the stagnated form of desire coalesced into small little flat lard panels floating on the ice-cold chilled remainders of a cheap filling soup. the desire desire desire I mean is the desire that persists like fuel mostly, matchheads help too, but there's desire that moves, lives. and the more I think I know that this is true: training in desire is also necessary, to flex it like a muscle, to season it like a cast iron pan, to know about it and to care for it and to think about what it entails, and for some: to lend an ear to its quiet words, and for others: to turn the cheek to the wild sputterings coming out of impish impulsive grins. there is control yes and there is duty yes and then there is the drive of desire that should lead you onwards, onwards.
and I am saying this yes again twenty-two nearly twenty-three, and I think this is the time to think such thoughts, if not now when else, if not now when else?