This was 10 years, 1 month, 22 days ago
Hallaj: When in a crowd or alone you perceive impatience disappearing, and you know just where you are and where you're meant to be.
Ibn Ata: Where is that, master?
Hallaj: Anywhere. You will know your action. You are present there, not thinking of somewhere else you ought to be.

and that is it, calmness, to locate the self in the self, to be still and to be okay, to breathe and to want to breathe, to sit at a bench overlooking the river and to want to sit at a bench overlooking the river. to be among people and to want to be among people. to walk in solitude and to want to walk in solitude. presentness in the present.

the sky will still always be high, still deep, still blue, still dark, still depthful. there will still be lit windows signifying something, talking in the distance. large lofts, empty streets. somewhere the chatter of behavior.

no matter. here I am, and I am here, and present, and utterly being, and if I walk it should be at my pace, and if I think it is because I want to be where I am trying to be.

in the end the only question to ask the self is: are you here? yes, I am here. I am trying to be. being in being, presence in presence.