This was 3 months, 29 days ago

these days, I am learning what it means to be, to just be, to fully be

if someone had asked me what this means a few years ago, I think I would have talked about it as a conceptual construction, some thing about tautology and axioms and self-definition, and part of me still does and can and feels joyous about thinking about it

but, the thing about incompletness theorems, dear gödel, is that when it comes to who we are, we all have bodies, and we were all born at one point or another, and that's an axiomatic grounding that's so nice that we might as well accept it. why do we have bodies? what would it be like if we didn't have bodies? no matter. here we are; we've been living here all this time. it might as well be time to unpack and fully move into this space, ring, domain, body.

or in other words, to fully be who we are. it's quite easy, because i've always been doing it, since i've been alive, and it's quite difficult, as I've never done it before; this is my first time being alive. and to let myself stretch and wind and to let the limbs of my bodily being relax into places that they want to be, is a tremendous process: electrifying, wilding. letting the limbs of my conceptual, brain being flow the way it wants to, like pouring a glass of water on the table. does the water 'want' to go somewhere? or does it just do what it does, because it is what it is?

is the construction of desire about a lack, or is it a series of machinic flows, as d & g would say, or is it just, how we are, impossible to talk about and formulate, something that can only be described like a river, always in the present-past tense, knowing language tries to grasp what smoothly follows and slides away into the past?

language cannot grasp, or rather, I do not want to grasp with language; language can only share where we have been, a portrait of the person as the person that they currently-were-then, a present-past, a past presentness.

there's a dinner table, cups and plates and pens and paper. we spill a glass of water, and watch in joy as the water moves, slides, glides, pools, averts, circumnavigates, seeps in, pours, and eventually settles. the water goes where it goes, does what it does. waters gonna water! we gonna we! me gonna me! you gonna you!