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of course it had to happen again, tonight, of course;

all of a sudden I am in a rush again, in love with space again, with systems, flows, this intent, this movement, of course. young nights, propelling forward. let's think about people, space, finances, money, flows, activists, communities. people on the train yelling. how to change this all? somewhere I am trying to stand at the intersection between the tangible and material and the optimistic and hopeful. let's let's let's let's let's.

how do you manifest? how do you alter? how do you do these things? move forward. send emails, collaborate, get excited, talk to friends. magic emails dropping in your inbox. chance phone calls about possibilities. movement, movement, movement. a new discipline that enters your brain through your eyeballs, changes the world just a little. meetings, negotiations, talks. an endless array of potentials. consulting, talking, doing. the endless excitement of projects, the high of focus, of intent and desire. of wanting to do and doing them.

I think I said something about this a year or so ago, but it is the feeling of pressing against the outermost edge of one's being, like being inside an inflated bubble and pushing outwards, feeling it give; except that unlike the (most likely) plastic, impermable membrane this is the outer boundaries of one's being that is cloudy, hazy, indeterminate. feeling the joy of creation, of positing, of stating one's argument into the world, but most importantly, to one's self, without any external criteria, without any appeal to authority or legitimacy. just the quiet silent critical judgment of: is this what I think it is right?

I remain convinced: In the end there is just that; one's own sincerity and conviction, necessarily coupled with one's own continual desire to modify/rework one's own convictions, which results in a series of determined zig-zags, sharp angular bends, darts, juts. Rather than a brownian-motion random walk it's a series of intentional gestures that search, explore, experiment, relearn.

tactics: privilege movement over destination.
strategy: privilege performance over intent.

From March 24, 2011. Nearly two years ago, quoted again nearly a year ago:

in ten years this will all have been hazy memory. in ten years I will chuckle to myself and recognize the same patterns, and I would have just have told myself to make something and be proud of it, to flex my muscles and feel the fibers firing, to know the joy of articulation, description, thought, system, and creation, to make and to make and to make. calculus integration is the technique of aggregating mathematically minuscule areas under the curve in order to find the total area. everything ever made is also an aggregation of the epsilon, the minuscule, the little sliver of x that is multiplied, added over a series of time and space in order to get somewhere. the epsilon of the evolution of a biological species is the genetic mutations that occur of the copying-over of chromosomes. action generates, generates, generates error and thus new value. make and make and make and eventually add it all together.