This was 4 years, 4 months, 14 days ago

some kind of optimism. here we are. do families change? do people change? some sort of change bubbling up since august. to move ahead. what are the words that come out of my fingers?

I am learning. I am growing. in some ways I feel like I am younger. I have become younger. recently I have been ten, fourteen, twenty one, twenty four, twenty eight, thirty two. I oscillate between my ages. I remember all of my selves.

it's like the inner world is so new, so new. there's so much. I know there are things like career, projects, work, things like that. I know that's important. but what seems so much fascinating right now is the world of the self, of the community, of you and me, of history. where we come from. where we move towards. how we replicate patterns. how we live.

in the midst of this where am I? what kind of change do I wish to see? there is policy and urban planning. the desires of my mind and the desires of my heart misalign. this is good. I have two vectors. I have more than two vectors. they pull me in different ways. I don't average between the two, though. somehow I increase in volume. it's like the real and the complex. somehow I move in a complex combination of my heart and my mind. my movement newly circulating. discovering places that, according to the dimension of the mind, seems identical, but might be varied, complex, richly new within the dimension of the heart.

architecture, space, design, career. oh sure.

but also: emotions, family, history, psyche, self, memory, trauma, embodiement, intergenerational communion, communication, misunderstanding, language, distance, exhortation, pain, feelings, fear, consensus, recognition, acknowledgment, cameraderie, companionship, commitment, trust, depth, faith, gratitude, anchorage, adventure, exploration, discovery, unknown, self, loss of self, new selves, finding other selves, being in one's self, changing one's self, shaping one's emotions. isn't this all a big experiment? to which direction do I move? do we move? does it matter that I ask the question? because I ask already I find myself driven by my heart, to wander in the direction of my emotions, to let myself feel, to find and feel...