there's a lump in my throat. it's a kind of exciting lump. somehow it reminds me of large skies, of the midwest, of a future. of yearning. of joining. what could be? I want to get in a car and drive. I want to see what's out there. I want to journey forth and explore.

things could change. we could change. I could change. somehow I feel like this kind of future, a transformative future, is close. it's possible. it really requires me to radically reshape the kind of life I want to have, or rather, the kind of life I think I wanted to have. at some point I will stop and think: who am I? what do I want to do? what thrills me? what fills me with joy?

i believe in people and spaces. I want to help make wondrous spaces. but really it's all about the social, the ecology of people, the quiet emotions. I am an antenna for feelings. I feel the joy and calm and celebration and desire latent. I am fallible, I fail. I want collectivity but the 'right' kind of collectivity. is that it?

there is something to strive for. it's a making giving sharing working. what could it be? time to drive?